Learning a second language in America is a rare occurrence. Despite the fact that I had a Spanish class from the ages of 5-17, I can say I am nowhere near fluency. Unfortunately, every single year of Spanish class seemed to just review all the topics from the year before. I can conjugate, ask where the bathroom is, and how you are doing with ease. And I have been able to do that from the age of 6 on. I am not sure why language classes in America are done so poorly and why we always seem to just review the same material for a decade, but that seems to be the reality for our country. Despite my clear lack of fluency in a second language, many older members of my family are fluent in Portuguese. So I grew up saying "Eu te amo" to my family when we wanted to say "I love you" and I gained a decent understanding of romantic languages.
When I transferred to Multnomah, it would have been great if I had mastered Spanish. Many of the athletes at the school spoke Spanish, so it would have been a great way to deepen quite a few friendships! Most importantly, Miguel (one of our dearest friends from this time) had made the decision to attend university in America and leave his hometown of Morelia, Mexico. To be conversationally fluent in a language and then to be able to study at the university level in a second language are very different things. So I cannot express how courageous Miguel was to make this decision - to leave home and his beloved family, to pursue academics in a second language, and to deeply pursue friendships and a new dynamic with God all in a second language. If I was a better person, I would have been bilingual and able to offer him some reprieve and rest along his courageous journey. Some piece of home that could allow his brain some rest. I was lucky enough that despite my shortcomings, Miguel decided I was worth pursuing a friendship with as well.
Miguel's friendship has been extremely formative and challenging for me - all in a good way! Early on in our first year of friendship, Miguel had a rough day with some unempathetic behaviors and words from a professor who was unable to see how brilliant, courageous, and dedicated the young man in front of him was. On our small campus, I happened to be the first close friend to walk by him following these destructive words. He hugged me (a rare privilege since I am not so touchy) and began sharing his emotions and frustrations in a vulnerable and genuine way. I held him and listened openly... until my watch buzzed for class. Then my dumbass actually released Miguel and told him I had to get class but could listen more later. If you want any advice on how to treat the people you care about most, do NOT leave them in a moment of hurt and loneliness. For ANY reason.
Rightfully so, Miguel kind of let me have it. Something along the lines of, "You freaking Americans and your inability to ever put the person in front of you over a task or chore." Ouch... he hit the nail on the head with that one. I remember being stunned, then defensive, then mad for being grouped, then convicted that he was right all in 30 seconds. Whether all Americans are similar on the note of putting work, tasks, and achievements above the people around them is not something I can speak on. But he was pointedly correct on the admonishment he had given me. I always dropped the ball in crucial moments of my relationships and friendships to honor the tasks of the day. Years later, this moment in our friendship still convicts me and makes me consciously seek ways to put the most important people in my life ahead of any tasks. Miguel simply made me a better friend with his pointed and truthful words in that moment.
Following this moment and the conversation we had after, I realized an easy way to let Miguel know I DID love him and DID see how courageous, kind, and dedicated of a person he was simply meant using simple phrases in Spanish that I already knew, and to try to learn a few more. I needed to make an effort to connect with him in his native language and offer him comfort in his native language. So a few days after our convicting conversation, I yelled, "Te amo Miguel!" to him as he and his then girlfriend (my beloved friend) were walking away. Naturally, I blew it again and made him feel uncomfortable with my efforts to use Spanish some. He quickly explained to me that "te amo" is strictly reserved for the most serious of relationships and told me that "te quiero" was the proper phrase. In a confused manner, I told him I thought quiero meant "I want," and I did not want him the way I wanted Taco Bell - Miguel's favorite ;) He explained to me the meaning of te amo compared to te quiero and which one I should use in a given context. Can you tell that mine and Miguel's friendship is marked by many mistakes and moments of forgiveness and grace?
In the years following, Miguel and I have seen some of the best and worst traits in each other (and thus ourselves). Sometimes it feels like I am looking into a mirror when I speak truth into Miguel's life. As if the lesson or truth he needs to learn is the exact same one I need to learn as well. To have another person who makes similar mistakes, has the same desire to be transformed and the best version of themselves, and who also loves passionately has been a huge blessing for me! I do not know if I have ever had another friend who can speak painful truths to me so easily, but in a way where I know they empathize with me because they just learned or are currently learning a similar lesson!
I will never be able to empathize with Miguel as holistically as I would like to. I did not attend university in a second language, I have not had some of the racial discrimination he has faced, and leaving home has a different meaning for the two of us. He also cannot understand the discrimination I have faced as a female (especially in the sports world) and some of the pains I must bear. Despite our inability to ever be able to fully empathize with the other, I have never had a friend reciprocate the effort of understanding me the way Miguel has. There has never been a doubt in my mind that he would place our friendship over a class, practice, or paper if I needed him. Miguel also has the gift of speaking truth plainly and pointedly to me, but not from a place of judgment. Somehow, even if we both have had our moments of being sharp-tongued, there is always respect, empathy, and forgiveness waiting in our moments of convicting the other. Miguel's friendship has made me a better friend, a better Christian, and a more coachable person. His friendship has also offered me grace, forgiveness, laughter, love, delicious food, beautiful poetry, assurance, and an example to also be courageous in taking big steps in my faith. Te quiero mucho, querido amigo y siempre estoy muy agradecida por ti.
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