I feel like some of my last posts have clearly indicated that I have not loved all of my coaches. The truth is, whether it was due to my attitude or mistreatment from them, I have not had many coaches that I respect or love. My parents were some of my first coaches, but that is an interesting dynamic and hard to quantify sometimes. Lots of respect and love, and many fights and unfair standards on both sides haha. The first coach I had in competitive has been one of my least favorite coaches of all time. She embodied everything that is wrong with "stereotypical" female coaching - yelling excessively to seem engaged. Trying to follow male dynamics that often lack empathy or emotion. Riding off of her career as a player instead of learning how to develop as a coach. And she was one of the first coaches who fully broke my trust and made me question if I belonged in the soccer community.
Thankfully, the fallout I had with her led to me getting cut. It is definitely an odd way to think about getting cut or rejected - to be thankful for it. But when she cut me I ended up on Coach Greg's team, and Coach Greg reconciled my love for soccer and taught me how to be a better teammate and person. He also made me feel like there was something worth investing in within me. As all athletes know, a coach that is vested in you and who pushes you to be your best is an invaluable asset in your journey. For me, Greg Troupe was the first coach who made me want to both be a better person and a better player.
When I came to my first sessions with my new team, I was still on the fence about playing. However, after a week or two, Coach Greg told me they were going to pick me as a captain for the season. As a 12 year old, I was floored. I was new to the team, had just been told I was not worth much, and weighing if I even loved soccer. Why would he make me captain? I even asked him this. I do not remember his exact words, but I do remember he essentially told me they saw something in me that they knew could help the team and that they felt I could grow in leadership. So if I would work with them, they would love to have me as a captain. Even at the age of 12, having someone acknowledge my potential and offer me a chance like that was not lost on me. To work with them and be poured in to like that, all I wanted to do was make these people proud and prove them right for giving me the opportunity.
So I worked hard, both on and off the field. I tried to be a good teammate, an encouraging presence, reliable on and off the field, and grew in my ability to be coachable. The hard work, incredible coaching, and talent on the team led us to winning our season and getting bumped up a league. I do not remember so much about the scores, stats, or anything like that. But I can tell you we had fun, we all grew, and we all worked for each other and Coach Greg. Getting cut went from being identity shattering to the best thing that could have ever happened to me in my soccer and interpersonal journeys.
Coach Greg not only believed in me and helped restore me in the soccer world, but he also became one of my main (non-familial) examples for the kind of coach I wanted to be. Knowing soccer, tactics, and how to run a session are all markings of a good coach. The great coaches are good with people though. They are humanizing, gracious, willing to hold you accountable, and vested in who you are beyond the field of play. I would say 90% of coaches I had or who I have worked with are good coaches. But great coaches are unfortunately rare. The coaches who realize how much of an impact they can have on young athletes and take that responsibility with all the seriousness in the world are treasures to youth sports. Coach Greg was the first coach who I could tell was thoughtful and dedicated to us beyond our technical excellence. And I wanted to be like him if I ever was given the opportunity.
One of the main lessons I learned from Coach Greg that I try to use in my own coaching is holding myself accountable. Coach Greg was my first coach who ever apologized to me after a tough conversation following a tryout. The gist is that I felt wronged and expressed why. He explained his side to me, and I listened but did not feel much better after hearing it. In the end, he ultimately apologized to me and said he should have given me my chance, that I had earned it. My mind was blown that an adult could apologize to me and validate my perspective. And then also make it up to me and give me a chance the next time. With this, he taught me a lot about reconciliation and how to treat your neighbors in a Christ-like way. He put aside his pride, perspective, and the power dynamic between us to validate me and truly see me. I have now apologized numerous times to my players and seek ways to ensure I am accountable as well (mentors, classes, reflecting, etc.). I am not perfect by any means, and thus cannot be a perfect coach. But Coach Greg taught me that it is ok to not be perfect and it does not damage the kids entrusted to you, as long as you can apologize and seek ways to continue to grow yourself. I am so thankful for my time under Coach Greg and hope he knows how much he shaped me from 12 years old to now - as a player, coach, person, and Christian.
I unfortunately do not have any photos accessible from New Zealand from this time, but trust me it was meaningful. So instead I have peppered this with photos from my own coaching that Greg impacted so much. If you have ever had any great coaches or teachers and you have not told them, try to let them know! I am sure they will appreciate it :)
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